“I’m good enough. I’m
smart enough. And—gosh darn it—people like me!”
—Stuart
Smalley
Just
another line in an Al Franken SNL skit, this popular 90s meant-to-be-funny
catch phrase can actually be interpreted as an inspirational and motivational quote.
As happiness begins at home (i.e. within yourself,) why shouldn’t home remind
itself of how amazing it is?
Today’s
post is my monthly entry for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. This group,
started by Alex J. Cavanaugh, is designed to work as a place where writers can
feel free to share their woes with like-minded individuals. It is also a place
to cheer for others, to provide insight and to give support. I think it’s a
great idea, this group—it’s a good way to promote community spirit and to help
curtail that “I’m the only one who feels
this way,” mentality. If you would like to join the group, you can do so by
following Alex’s link above.
Let’s
get back to my good friend Stuart. In his Saturday Night Live skits he parodies
a talk-show host who thinks he is a therapist and tries to solve everyone’s
problems. He isn’t very good at it, which is part of why the skits are so
funny. The other reason is that everything he does is just plain ridiculous.
Here’s
the thing, though—despite the fact that he is a ridiculous, aloof fictional
character, he still does something that many of us do not do:
He
tries.
Stuart
tries to become a happier, more productive person. He attends therapy and goes
through twelve-steps programs. Everything about the character screams, “I want to better myself!” And that’s
exactly what we as writers need to do.
Insecurity
can be a big writing inhibitor. Lacking confidence in one’s work can lead to
writer’s block, frustration and lack of productivity. It can even lead to an
individual wanting to quit their work-in-progress, or writing, all together.
How
does Stuart come into the mix? Like this: He combats his insecurity and
aggressively works to overcome it. Instead of allowing his insecurity to beat
him down and run his life he fights those negative feelings head on. Stuart is
always trying new ways to maintain his confidence and positivity. In summary,
Stuart is always trying.
Insecurity
sucks—there’s no getting around that—but succumbing to that insecurity only
opens the door for more of it. We must work hard to combat these emotions or
else they will eat us alive and ruin the joy that is writing.
We
must work.
These
feelings do not just go away because we ask them kindly. They won’t disappear
if we sit around and wait for them to leave. Removing insecurity requires
effort and vigilance. It requires a plan of action and the temerity to never
stop trying to feel better.
A
lot of people comment on how confident and happy-rosy I am. I
always have a positive attitude and an answer for everything. What people do
not know is that I wasn’t always jump-out-of-the-box happy. I didn’t always
have these rainbow colored glasses and there were days when I couldn’t hear fun
little Disney songs every time the wind whistled. This me wasn’t always me. It’s a me that I had to work at.
Depression
hit me pretty hard at one point in my life, and I mean
didn’t-have-the-energy-to-even-shower hard. I published a book of poetry from
that point in my life and, if you ever read it, well—you’ll see what I am
talking about. Negativity consumed me and for a while I felt like there was no
way out.
After
a month or two of wondering why I was the only one plagued with these emotions,
my therapist told me that the only person who could make me feel better about
myself was me, and if I wanted to feel better I would first have to try to feel better. The ball was in my
court.
This
“trying” thing proved exceedingly difficult at first. I fought the concept for
some time and continued to believe that it wasn’t me who had the problem—it was
the rest of the world! The universe was out to get me and there was nothing I
could do!
About
this time my writing (the one outlet I had) dried up. I could no longer express
myself through pen and paper. This caused my depression to worsen and all felt
lost.
Finally,
after kind of conceding to the fact
that maybe I had the power to change,
I tried something. Each day I thought up a new thing that I liked about myself
and kept that thought in my head. It started out small: I like my bangs. I like the freckle on my right index finger. I like
the fact that I like croutons. As I practiced the thoughts became bigger
and more powerful: I like how well I
listen to others. I like my generous side. I like the way I write.
As
I worked toward bettering my mood and beating my negativity I found my outlook
and confidence grew just a little bit better each day. As it did, my confidence
in and renewed love for writing grew, as well.
With
each passing day I felt more comfortable in front of the keyboard. Each day the
keys clacked just a little bit quicker. Each day I wanted to show my work to
people vs. hiding it all in a file cabinet never to be seen again. Eventually,
it circled back to home.
I like me.
This
was the breakthrough I was waiting for months. I can’t tell you how many
submissions went out thanks to this. Writer’s block couldn’t touch me. Focusing
was no longer an issue. Insecurity was locked up in that file cabinet where my
work used to reside. Sure, I have my doubts now and then, but that’s human. The
important thing was that I no longer had only
doubt.
The
me you know today was built with hard
work and constant effort. I had to actively fight my negative thoughts and—just
like Stuart—had to remind myself that I was worth feeling good. So instead of
feeling incapable and helpless, I am now able to not only cheer myself on, but
cheer you on, too!
If
you are overwhelmed by these feelings of frustration and hopelessness—if your
writing is stunted because of these nasty things—experiment with different
techniques you can use to grow more confident in your work. Try self-talk or
meditation. Throw some more exercise into your routine (those endorphins work
wonders, you know) or do anything else you can think of. The most important part
isn’t what you are doing: it is what you are trying to do—get better.
Please,
please know that you are worth feeling good about life. You are worth feeling
good about your writing. More importantly, you are worth feeling good about
you. I encourage you to experiment and find your own way to combat those
negative feelings. As you improve your confidence in yourself you will improve
your writing, as well.
As
always, I hope my own emotional journey helps you in some way. If it doesn’t, I
still thank you for taking the time to read my words. I’ll end this now as I’ve
gone on a bit of a rant. With luck my rant will give you just a smidgeon of
positivity to work with.
And
remember, in the words of my good friend Stuart: You’re good enough. You’re
smart enough. And—gosh darn it—people like you!
Until
next time,
—R
