See, see, see? And I bet you thought I was making things up… tsk, tsk.
No lessons or advice this week—I feel like I’m getting preachy and up my own butt with messages—just a good old fashioned brain dump. I’ve had a few things on my mind lately and since this blog is partly about my emotional journey I figured I’d unload here. So here goes:
I finally sucked it up and sent out my first submission for Lightbringer! I realize part of the reason I hadn’t done it yet was because I wasn’t ready to do it [yet.] The fear of receiving a rejection on what has been such an ingrained part of my life for so long was holding me back. Not anymore!
Did you know that I have had Lightbringer in my head since I was a teenager? A good nine years, I’d say. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but it was the first story I ever wanted to turn into a novel. At the time everything else was—and I’m not ashamed to admit it!—either Sailor Moon, Bleach or Ranma ½ fan fiction. I think there was some Harry Potter thrown in there too, but it was probably satire.
Since I created the world of Lightbringer, some of my ideas have shown up in other media. Once it’s published it’ll seem like I’ve bitten off this or that, I’m sure. Am I bothered? No. I’ve had these ideas in my head for nine years and they’re seeing print whether or not they’ve been done before! Besides, as long as I take these ideas and use them in new and different ways it should be fine. How many stories have been written about wizards, vampires or the Greek Gods before? Exactly.
Oh—apparently I need to either a.) shut my big trap, b.) go where the crowd goes, or c.) not care and do what I want. I was chewed out on a forum recently because I posted a question about whether or not I’m spending too much time writing and not enough time with my friends and family. I wanted to know if people do the same thing I do—which is shut down my social life until I complete a deadline—or if those around them come first. Stabbed a few people’s nerves with a serrated knife, it seems.
I was accused of being selfish and disrespectful of the people around me. I was told that I am a taker, not a giver and that all of my friendships are one-sided. One individual—determined that he knew everything about me because of a single question—went on for paragraphs about what a terrible person I am. Maybe a question does tell a lot about a person, but not enough to solicit the responses I received.
For a while I was upset. I even ignored my better judgment and engaged with a response that isn’t like me. Usually I have my Teflon skin on and don’t care what other people think, but their responses stabbed me in the nerve, and I had to be heard this time. I had to be.
There are few people whom I consider friends. This is because I am a giver—a big giver—and I have been burned so many times in the past that I am no longer inclined to give to just anyone. Because I have been burned (hard, trust me,) I was very hurt by the accusations of being a selfish, one-sided taker. Teflon’s back on, though. Next time I’ll report the post and go on my merry way.
I deign admit this, but I will for honesty’s sake: I’ve been a bit obsessed with follower count lately. Someone de-followed me and it actually made me a little sad (and that, in itself, is sad.) I’m sure everyone’s felt this way at one point or another, but now that I realize I’ve been doing it I feel a little silly. What does it matter how many names you have under join this site? It doesn’t.
There are two important things about this blog: 1.) I help myself by writing it. 2.) I help others by writing it. Would I like to help more others than naught? Oh, of course (giver, here.) I’m happy just being a help to someone, though. If my message reaches at least one person, that’s one person my message has reached.
Check out this blog if you have a minute: http://dormroomcook.blogspot.com It’s an interesting and unique take on the correlation between healthy eating and weight loss. There’s also much to learn about self-motivation from it. I plan to follow this journey closely.
That’s about it for me. I have tons of other things to say, but I’m sure your eyes are a little tired of my Bookman Old Style font by now, so I’ll sign off here. As always, my hope is that you have an excellent week. Oh—! I am catching up on my reading now. If you have yet to hear from me you will soon enough.
Thanks for reading, thanks for responding and thanks for being here to talk to. You are all great people. I hope you know that.
Until next time,