Excelling

Today’s update is my addition to Absolute Write’s June 2012 Blog Chain. It’s a fun exercise and I recommend giving it a shot! This month’s prompt is “Weird Worlds.”

Here’s my entry titled, “Excelling.”

“Just do it,” he said.

“No.”

 “Don’t you want to go home?” he asked.

“Yes…but—”

“I’m telling you if you want to go home just let us equals-sum so we can total and get out of here.”

She threw her hands in the air and huffed. “But I don’t wanna equals-sum! That means I have to tally up with J19 and he’s a creep. No way am I gonna total with him.”

I19 sighed and kicked at the automatic-colored thin-line border under his feet. This woman was insufferable. Could she just, for one day, total on time so he could catch the five o’clock bus to Sheet3?

He bit his lower lip, quelling an insult. “Come on, K19, stop being difficult. I need to get home to let A6 and B13 out before they pee all over the house.”

“Hey, if K19 isn’t equals-summing then I don’t want to equals-sum, either,” L19 said. “J19 gives me all kinds of problems when we sum-if, and I’d rather not deal with him today.”

“Okay, listen, people, because I’m only going to explain this once.” I19’s voice was steady, but internally he was ready to burst. “We need to equals-sum so we can copy and paste down to I26. Then he can bold himself and finish line one of the budget reconciliation these over-world people need by Friday. I don’t want to pull an all-nighter again, do you?”

“Well, no,” K19 conceded. “But can we at least control-click so that it goes you, J19, L19, and then me? That way I won’t have to be next to him.”

For the sake of getting it done, I19 agreed to her request. L19 wasn’t happy, but chose to go along with it so as to make it to Sheet2 before traffic hit. It looked like things where coming together nicely.

But then, just before they were ready to control-click, J19 decided to equals-average with F32 and K40, causing extreme confusion in the labor year-to-date line item. All of their hard work was ruined.

“Damn it, J19!” I19 shouted. “Why do you have to screw things up at four o’clock all the time? I need to catch the bus!”

“Yeah!” K19 and L19 said in unison. “It’s like you want to cause trouble!”

“Hey, man,” J19 raised his hands in defense, “I’m just doin’ what the mouse click tells me to do!”

“Yeah, right! Like anyone would be stupid enough to equals-average on a labor line item at the end of the work day, idiot!”

“Who you callin’ idiot, idiot?”

A battle broke out between the 19s, save for I19 who had given up and started packing his desk.

That’s it. I’m moving to Powerpoint, he thought. No problems there. Just nice relaxing star-wipes.

So there it is, the weird world of Microsoft Excel. I hope you got at least a little laugh out of it! Please visit these other amazing blogs to enjoy some wonderful posts!

Until next time,

—R

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